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  • JUST BRENDA: Why won't she return my calls after I said I loved her?

    Tuesday October 31 2017

    Naturally, after pouring out my heart to her, I

    Naturally, after pouring out my heart to her, I was expecting something in return. PHOTO| NATION MEDIA GROUP 

    By JUST BRENDA
    More by this Author

    Dear Brenda,

    Let me start by saying that I am a big follower of your articles. They are insightful in ways not many are well versed with. This said, I didn't at some point think that I would ever be seeking advice on my relationship. Thought I had it all figured out. I guess I was wrong.?

    I’m a 25-year-old male working in Nairobi. I have a girlfriend who’s 24 also working in Nairobi. We used to work together for about a year until I moved on to another company.

    We were close friends as workmates but never really hit things off. It was after my moving out that we started going on dates and soon, we were a thing.

    We've been seeing each other for three months now, so I guess it’s pretty early? We haven't been intimate and we have agreed to keep it that way.?

    Last week, we were keeping in touch via WhatsApp and I was going on and on expressing my feelings for her for she had asked that I tell her 'things'.

    Naturally, after pouring out my heart to her, I was expecting something in return.

    Even an acknowledgement. However, none came through and I felt disappointed. I didn't talk to her for about three days. Now, she won't talk to me. I have tried texting, and calling (not an outrageous number of times though. Three times to be exact) but nothing. Now am confused.?

    Should I be worried? I love her and care about her for sure.

    ?

    Regards,

    J.?

    ?

    Dear J,

    Thank you for continuing to read the column. I hope you have found some useful life hacks and learnt from others' dilemmas and struggles as well.

    You're right, three months is quite young. However, perhaps instead of expecting something from your partner, it is easier to just lay out what you want.

    Mind reading is not something they teach in KCSE. Now that this has happened, this would be a great time to try taking the Five Love Languages test, where you would learn how you express and receive love, and how she does as well.

    Clearly you're a guy who likes words of affirmation, while her chosen method might be gifts, or spending quality time with you.

    Take this as an opportunity to grow in your relationship, and a brief, and expected, obstacle. All relationships have them.

    Maybe send her a message saying that you were hurt by her lack of response, but you would like to talk about it so that there is no more confusion in the future concerning expectations? Let her know that you will be waiting for her call, and then leave her be to contemplate her reaction. Good luck!

    ?

    Do you have a problem to share with Brenda? E-mail: [email protected]